Ever since I graduated from college, the dream was clear:
Become a NY Times Bestselling novelist.
Even as a 22-year-old with very little reason to be confident, I had this unwavering faith that I was going to “make it”. To me, writing wasn’t just a passion; it was a calling, my God-given gift. What I was born to do!
So I made the appropriate sacrifices.
Instead of climbing the corporate ladder, I chose the uncertain path of an artist.
Every job I’ve had—from waiting tables at Elephant Bar to selling women’s shoes at Nordstrom, to my current gig as a freelance digital marketer—was in service to this dream.
I wrote one book, then two.
I submitted to agents and piled up rejection letters. When it was clear a publishing deal wasn’t coming, I self-published and kept pushing forward.
This cycle went on for a decade.
There were times I felt the dream was within reach. My debut thriller sold over a thousand copies and got optioned for film by an up-and-coming director. I thought, “This was it—all those years of sacrifice and hard work were finally going to pay off…”
But the breakthrough never came. The movie deal fizzled, royalties dwindled, and the follow-up novel was met with mixed reviews. Add a second child to the mix, and a dark question arose: Was it time to put the dream on pause???!!!
As you can imagine, that thought sent me into quite an emotional tailspin. My entire life was constructed around this singular dream. Who would I be without it? Did I just waste over a decade of my life chasing a fool’s errand? Was it finally time to fold up shop and let the dream wither and die?
For a few months, I truly lost my internal compass.
I stopped posting on social media.
I was in a deep funk.
Soon, a longtime friend, and a trusted ally on my creative journey reached out. He’d recently found religion and was asking me about my spiritual journey. I decided to be vulnerable and share what was going on.
His response: “Forget about your book journey, how’s your God journey?”
I was left speechless.
Angry.
That night, his words rattled around my head. What if he was right?
Maybe I should forget my book journey.
In my vulnerable state, a slideshow of my career played across my mind. All the milestones, the years of sacrifice, the ups and downs. The feeling I got when I held my book for the first time. The pain I felt when a big rejection came through my email.
And then it dawned on me.
I was looking at everything backward.
My book journey is my God journey.
In fact, everything good in my life has come from pursuing this dream. Meeting my wife was a result of recklessly quitting my job and moving to San Francisco to publish my first book. Working through my childhood trauma was a result of facing the blank page.
Writing has taught me dedication. How to pursue something in the face of extreme adversity and rejection. How to work on your craft every single day, Rain or Shine.
Writing taught me unwavering faith. How to create something out of sheer passion, without any promise of success. This path has taken me on adventures and new horizons, encounters with the divine itself.
The dream itself wasn’t the problem.
It was my attachment to the outcome.
The need for outside validation.
So the next day after the text message, I did what I did every morning. My creative ritual. I got up at 5:30 a.m. I made myself a coffee. I opened my computer. I took a deep breath, and I wrote.
Because I am privileged, lucky, and grateful to still be able to do what I love.
My newest book and newsletter series.
In the next few months, I’m preparing to launch my third novel in the "Died Famous" universe.
But I also want to take a different approach with this newsletter, and social media in general. Instead of the traditional book cover reveals and giveaways, I want to explore a theme that's always been present in my books: the link between creativity and spirituality.
More specifically, the creative rituals that artists practice to create their best work.
I’m calling it THE CREATIVE RITUAL.
If you're an artist, a writer, or just someone fascinated by creativity and publishing, or just someone who's followed me through the years, I’d love for you to stick around for this next chapter.
Beautiful discovery today & I’m happy to follow your journey Kyle !
This sounds very excited, Kyle. Can't wait to follow the journey!